New Star Wars Theory: An Exercise in Futility

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Episode 9 Will Be What It Will Be, And “Fans” Will Gripe No Matter What.

A new star wars theory hit the internets on Sunday that contains some interesting ideas about Luke Skywalker’s upcoming role in the final chapter of the Skywalker saga. Rather than summarize it for you, I’ll let you read it below:

Evidence that Luke is NOT a Force Ghost from r/starwarsspeculation

First, I don’t care what his Reddit username is, it’s obviously not the “official” Rian Johnson (Seriously with the spelling?). Second, it’s an interesting theory. Here’s the problem – it doesn’t matter.

I’m a Star Wars Fan, But…

Look, I was born a year after Episode IV hit theaters, but I’d gladly add five years to my current age to be able to say I saw it back then. Some of my earliest memories are of watching Empire Strikes Back on my family’s top-loading VCR. The toys I always wanted to play with were Star Wars toys. I did see Return of the Jedi in theaters with my grandpa and my cousins when I was five. It is one of the most vivid memories of my early childhood. 

Sometime around the early nineties, I started caring more about music and girls than movies. However, when Lucas released the special editions in the lead up to Episode I, I was there for every one of them. In 1999, I lined up for hours in front of Toys R’ Us (RIP) held a special midnight opening to unveil all of the new Phantom Menace toys. 

Star Wars Fans Are Impossible to Please.

When May 19, 1999, finally came around, I lined up for a day just to get tickets. Then I lined up to get inside. I loved it. My friend, who worked for Regal Cinemas at the time, and I saw it 19 times in the theater because he could get us in for free. I didn’t understand why everyone else was so pissed about it. I mean, yeah, Jar Jar Binks is clown-shoes, but so were the Ewoks.  Yeah… I said it. Even though my plush Wicket was one of my favorite stuffed toys as a kid. Ewoks were just as silly and unnecessary as Jar Jar was. Not quite as annoying, though.  I’ll give y’all that.

Then the rest of the prequels came out. People ripped George Lucas endlessly. I couldn’t figure it out. I walked out of the theater after Attack of the Clones saying it was the best Star Wars movie I’d seen since Empire. Now that I’ve seen it a few more times, it’s definitely farther down the list, but I still loved it when I saw it. 

Revenge of the Sith seems to be the exception when it comes to the prequels. It’s still generally regarded as sub-standard by the most hardcore d-bags out there. However, that movie left an emotional impact on me that no other Star Wars movie did. It took me a day or two before I could even talk about it.

Now We Have a New Canon That’s Being Shat on For One Reason or Another

Look, I hear all of the complaints. I get it. Force Awakens was too much of a rip-off of A New Hope. Yep. Still loved it. The Last Jedi killed Luke Skywalker (apparently?), kept Leia alive and crucial to the story, despite Carrie Fisher’s actual passing (RIP, Carrie – I’ll love you forever), and split the fan base in two. It’s currently my favorite of the saga films. 

Rogue One was brilliant, and probably my favorite Star Wars movie to date if I’m honest, yet still the fans doth protest. Now Solo is probably on the bottom of my list, but I’d still rather watch it than any of the recent DC movies, and most of the MCU movies (you can read my rant about that here)

Regardless of Their Problems, Star Wars Movies Still Thrill Me

Watch the teaser for Episode IX and tell me that you didn’t get chills. It honestly doesn’t matter what JJ Abrams decides to do. It’s going to be a fun ride. I wish more people would just learn to shut up and enjoy it.

Finally, Here’s a Thought:

I know it’s not going to be popular, but if you really want to recapture Star Wars in your imagination—the Star Wars YOU really want—try reading one of the novels. If you don’t have time to sit and read, get them on audiobook. Most are narrated by Mark Thompson, whose voice impersonations of canonical characters is dead on. They also feature sound effects and music. It’s like listening to Star Wars radio drama, and it’s awesome. I recommend anything by Timothy Zahn or Chuck Wendig. There’s not a single annoying alien in any of the books I’ve read.

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Brandon Humphreys

Brandon Humphreys

I'm a wizard. I write stuff and it goes from my head into yours - Magic! Apart from that, I am the Senior Editor for Space Porn, a veteran, a rock guitarist, and a teacher.

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