Mob to Storm Area 51? Never Fear; the Space Force Is On It!

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It May Be A Joke, but The Air Force isn’t Laughing

A Facebook “prank” that captured the attention of over two million people also caught the attention of the U.S. Air Space Force.  I didn’t hear about the whole business until Saturday night, when, wandering around at a show I was playing, I ran into a guy who told me all about it. Of course, ordinarily, a stranger who tells me that a million people plan on trying to storm Area 51 – especially at a rock and roll show – wouldn’t catch my attention for long, but this guy didn’t seem like your typical conspiracy nut. He just thought it was gonna be “F&*%in’ awesome, dude!” I made a note in my phone to check it out, and here we are.  

What’s In There, Anyway?

Government officials kept Area 51 shrouded in mystery for over half a century.  During the atomic age of the fifties and sixties, the government tested a ton of top-secret espionage tools there, including spyplanes and other experimental aircraft. In fact, until 2013, the government said very little about the secret base.  At that time the CIA officially acknowledged the base as a development and test facility for spyplanes since the 1950s.

The beauty of a conspiracy theory, however, is that if it’s built on the premise that the government is lying to you, then nothing the government says will ever convince you that they’re telling the truth.

Secrecy is a powerful tool. I can point to myriad examples in horror movies or other fictional scenarios where scenes are so much more frightening when you don’t see the monster in the corner. Your imagination is left to make up its own scenario, which will inevitably be more frightening than anything the author or director could have come up with.  

I suspect the same goes for Area 51. Did the government hide things from us? Of course they did. They still do. Sometimes they have to. Unfortunately, sometimes they hide things to cover their own asses, too, which only serves to feed the distrust sown by the necessary secrecy. 

Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us

Well, they can, actually. We have the most awesome and mighty military force the planet has ever seen. And I can tell you from experience that U.S.A.F. Security Forces take their jobs very seriously. So, Naruto-run all you want. Even a million of you.

That is, of course, what the organizers want to do.

“We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction and coordinate our entry,” the Facebook event page said. “If we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Let’s see them aliens,” the page says.

Let’s say that life really was like anime and you could run faster than a bullet this way.  The Air Force has these planes called A-10 Warthogs.  They have very big bullets. They also have very big bombs, against which no amount of Naruto running will protect.  

By The Way, Life Isn’t Like Anime

It May Be A Joke, But There Are Always a Few…

The page was created as a seed for social media memes, but that hasn’t stopped an unusually high number of people from making hotel reservations in the area.  

Connie West, co-owner of an inn close to the base, said in an interview on Sunday, “Oh, it’s insane, my poor bartender today walked past me and said, ‘I hate to tell you, but every phone call I’ve had is about Sept. 20.’”

It’s not likely that a million people will show up and try to storm Area 51, but if the ones who do show up try anything they’re going to face a significant security force waiting for them.  A force that won’t hesitate to protect American assets – including secrets – against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

But What About the Aliens?

[Sighs] Yes. There could be life on other planets. The odds make it pretty much impossible that there isn’t life in some form somewhere else out there in the galaxy, let alone the rest of the universe. That does not mean that they’ve been here. The reality is, the distances between solar systems – let alone galaxies – is so vast that contact is just not very likely. It’s fun to let our imaginations run wild, have at it. Just don’t let your body run into a carpet-bombing A-10 because you think the big-bad-government is lying to you.   

Brandon Humphreys

Brandon Humphreys

I'm a wizard. I write stuff and it goes from my head into yours - Magic! Apart from that, I am the Senior Editor for Space Porn, a veteran, a rock guitarist, and a teacher.

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